About the Aspen Bear "cull"
There's been a lot of irresponsible speculation in the "blogosphere" about a so-called bear "cull" in Aspen. What those "armchair analysts" don't understand is that there's been a ten-fold increase in bear sightings in our wonderful town; even the Legacy Media has noticed it (link). Something has to be done, and it has to be done now before something tragic happens.
Do you want to talk about root causes? Those "know-it-alls" who feel free to criticize at a distance have no idea what's going on here. We are literally under siege. The amount of berries and other fruits on trees in the surrounding woods and mountains has been dramatically reduced, and that's caused the bears to look for food elsewhere. I have personal experience with that, as a large female black bear was recently found rummaging through the trash bin of one of the guest houses of my summer cottage in Aspen. My security team had no choice: once a bear develops a taste for human trash, it has a strong possibility of developing a taste for human flesh. I want to assure everyone that, because my security team uses a special type of ammunition known as "hollow points", the bear and her cubs felt no pain.
You know the old saying about when you point fingers you've got four fingers pointing back at you? Well, it applies in this case. Instead of blaming the entirely innocent residents of the wonderful "second town" I call home, blame yourself. The root cause of all this is global warming. It was global warming that led to the berry shortage, and that led to bears coming into town, and that led to us having to do something. We in Aspen seek to live in one with nature and take a series of steps to reduce our carbon footprint. What about you? What role have you played in increasing global warming? Don't you bear a little responsibility for the situation we face?
Further, I want to assure everyone that what we are forced to do is simply good wildlife management; we are being good stewards of the wonderful town we've been given. We have consulted with local Native American leaders and will be seeking their assistance with the action. Further, we will assure that no one will profit from the action but that instead the meat will be donated to homeless shelters in Denver and other major cities. The pelts will be crafted into garments for use by impoverished people in the Russian Far East, sending an international message of peace.
Instead of questioning what we're doing, look inward: what are you personally doing to stop global warming in order to prevent situations like this from recurring?
Posted by Ariadne to Ariadne at 12:52 PM
Obama: Take Over Whole Foods! Petition
To: President Barack Obama
WHEREAS Whole Foods is the world's leading supplier of fresh, organic products to the U.S., and
WHEREAS Whole Foods is a vital part of our communities and a treasured source of delicious and wholesome foods, and
WHEREAS CEO John Mackey recently revealed himself to be a ultra-far-right reactionary who is opposed to the rational healthcare reform that the vast majority of Americans wholeheartedly support, and
WHEREAS CEO John Mackey's opposition to rational healthcare reform is also shared by other evil-mongers such as the racist xenophobic mean-spirited reactionary "tea-baggers" and others who've attended townhall meetings, and
WHEREAS the current boycott of the company not only will have limited effectiveness but may lead to a disruption in supplies to our local markets and may lead to them shutting down stores and perhaps even firing employees and will have an impact on suppliers in countries that are already suffering under decades of U.S. oppression, and
WHEREAS other companies have been taken over by the U.S. government including companies that simply produce cars or that are banks and are not as important as food, and
WE THE UNDERSIGNED progressives hereby urge you, U.S. president and U.S. citizen Barack Obama to pass emergency legislation taking over (nationalizing) Whole Foods as a vital part of the U.S. food supply and replacing CEO David Mackey with someone who will carry forth the Obama administration's progressive goals.
Signed,
Ariadne Huffanan
Ward Beecher
John Ciccilini
Others will be added, and visitors are urged to add your signatures in the comments below.
Posted by Ariadne to Ariadne at 04:03 PM
What libertarian means, and doesn't mean
Many people have a false impression of libertarians, confusing us with libertines. In fact, the difference couldn't be more vast. We believe in peace, freedom, and liberty. They just want to "party". Certainly, we have many members that just want to "party", but that's a very small part of our movement and those people - to be frank - don't understand what it means to be a libertarian. At its heart, our movement is about individual freedom and liberty: the right to do what you want, when you want it. And, who could argue with that? Our movement is well beyond simply "partying" and the "recreational uses" of "certain substances". Nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, initially, I might have become involved with the movement because of "that", but I soon realized that there was much more to it. My political transformation began as I read the works of Ayn Rand and realized just how deeply her thoughts resonated with me... It was a true ideological transformation and life-changing event as I realized the totality of Man and how we're all linked... yet, at the same time, we're all individuals and have a right and responsibility to individualism... yet, at the same time, we're binded together in a common Humanity, as if we're part of one living organism, Earth. This transformation and its mind-expanding corollaries filled my thoughts and my mind... but, what I was unable to understand is why some people - we call them the statists - could not understand the rectitude of our argumentation. Those statists are constantly trying to "harsh our buzz", as some say. Some are willing to use truly reactionary means, even going as far as editing position papers on my own computer while I'm not looking or even when I am in order to quash our movement towards true, global harmony and peace and freedom. They are the ones to be found "pulling the strings" behind the scenes... all I know is I keep hearing some weird clicking on my phone "click... click click... click" it's like that. I could go on for hours and hours and hours and hours discussing all the things our enemies do. And, you never know where they might be. They might be in that car on the freeway or they might be over there in that tree or in that house or under that bridge or in that hill. I don't mean on the hill, I mean under the hill because I don't know what could be under there they might have something for all I know, that's where they might have a cell of people - or other beings, ready to strike and planning to strike and making their plans against us.
Jim Gillespie is a former assistant professor of comparative politics at Arcata Community College, a former web editor of Rational Magazine, and a former Libertarian Party vice-presidential candidate. He is currently a lobbyist for Hitchinson Wampoa Ltd., the Chinese State Educational and Vocational Company, and the Happy Fun Toy Company, Ltd. His thoughts are presented here only for balance, and do not represent the views of Huff And Blow.
Posted by Ariadne to Jim Gillespie at 04:20 AM
Primate rights: the b*st*rds want to take my Robbie away!
The statist b*st*rds in the California legislature want to take my Robbie away! Those are the primate rights you won't hear about from those ******** at PETA: my right to keep my friend, Robbie the orangutan, in my house. Not as a pet, but as a cherished member of the family. Yes, I know: we're all sad about the unfortunate incident in Stamford, Connecticut where a chimpanzee "went ape" (as the papers say) and attacked a friend of his caretaker. But, my Robbie is not like Travis, the Connecticut chimp.
Robbie and I are as close as two primates could be. Just as orangutans do in the wild, we frequently go swimming together and bathe together occasionally. Sometimes when he's scared of the thunder I allow him to stay safe and warm in my bed. Robbie would never go wild and try to attack someone, it's not in his nature.
But, that's not good enough for California state senator Adam Bassinger, that ************. Oh, no. For some reason that ******* wants to prevent Robbie and other primate members of the community from being free to enjoy the great outdoors and roam the city. Instead, he's pushing for laws that would trap Robbie in a prison cell... inside my house.
A key tenet of libertarianism is freedom and personal responsibility, and now Bassinger wants to take that away.
Jim Gillespie is a former assistant professor of comparative politics at Arcata Community College, a former web editor of Rational Magazine, and a former Libertarian Party vice-presidential candidate. He is currently a lobbyist for Hitchinson Wampoa Ltd., the Chinese State Educational and Vocational Company, and the Happy Fun Toy Company, Ltd. His thoughts are presented here only for balance, and do not represent the views of Huff And Blow.
Posted by Ariadne to Jim Gillespie at 07:58 PM
Imponderables! Part 2
Due to popular demand, here's another one of my "Imponderables" from my upcoming book. This came to me as I was chatting with David Geffen at the recent Barack Obama fundraiser at the Beverly Hilton. He had a perplexed look on his face when I asked him if he had a napkin and a pen handy, but he soon understood after I explained to him that I needed to quickly jot my thoughts down before they vanished into the ether:
There's been a lot of talk of space aliens lately, but is calling them "aliens" really the right term? Sure, we don't know where they're coming from, and for all we know - or have been told - they could be from many solar systems, but shouldn't we call them something else? After all, to them they aren't "aliens". I don't know anything about them, but I do know that they don't refer to themselves as aliens. In fact, I'm sure they refer to themselves in the same way that we refer to ourselves: as people, or whatever they are. Since we have that in common, is there really that big of a difference between us and them after all? Shouldn't we instead think of them as part of "we"?
Posted by Ward to Ward Beecher at 03:22 PM
Boycott Diesel Clothing!
Diesel Clothing - based in Italy - has started an advertising campaign making fun of global warming. My response isn't to laugh, it's to start a boycott. How dare they? Global warming is the single biggest threat the world faces today. They make fun of Mt. Rushmore being partially submerged under the waves, but what of their city Venice? As each day passes the water rises more and more; soon the entire city will be under water!
They pretend this is a bit of reverse psychology: making fun makes a "bigger shock", leading people to think about this. Well, I'll tell you what: people need to think about An Inconvenient Truth, learn from it, and watch it over and over until that inconvenient truth sinks in!
Tomorrow I'll be bundling up my Diesel jeans and other items and returning them to the Diesel Store at the Beverly Center. I won't ever be buying any of their products again, and I urge everyone across America to do the same. Good riddance I say: they're so down-market already, they even have an outlet store out in Ventura County somewhere!
In fact, I might even hold a "clothing burning", right at the corner of Santa Monica and Wilshire! How's that for a "bigger shock", Diesel?
Posted by Lori Gold to Lori Gold at 11:40 PM
Imponderables!
What a long, strange several months it's been, and I want to apologize right up front about not posting here for so long. But, as most of you are aware, I was spending a lot of time trying to assist Rob Reiner's campaign to be California's Education Secretary. Day and night I criss-crossed the state, attending appearances and giving speeches on his behalf. I was never involved with the day-to-day management of the campaign however, and I had no involvement with the finances. So, it was a complete surprise about what happened, and I certainly had no idea he'd be forced to withdraw from the race at the last moment. And, once again: I had no involvement whatsoever with the financial aspects of his campaign. While I haven't had the chance to speak with him since that fateful day, I want to stress that he has not been tried yet and his guilt is not completely assured. I wish him the best.
With that out of the way, I want to tell you about a new project I've been working on. While traveling from city to city for the campaign, I would frequently pass the time waiting in airplane company lounges and the like jotting down various thoughts in a series of notebooks. Some of these thoughts are more "long form", but others are much shorter, and I decided to release them in book form.
I call them... "Imponderables"!
For instance:
Why is it that when a football team is on offense, their "offensive line" is actually "on defense" in that they're defending their terrority against the team supposedly on defense? Likewise, aren't the linebackers of the team on defense actually on offense against the offensive line of the opposing team?
Ponder that one! Or, try this:
Like me, have you ever simply made a typing mistake and entered "online spell cheker" into a search engine?
Or this:
In Thailand, hamburgers, hotdogs, and pizza are... exotic food!
By thinking through these "imponderables", I hope to help millions of people understand better the world around them, and approach an understanding of our most fundamental truths.
Posted by Ward to Ward Beecher at 08:41 PM
"An Inconvenient Truth"... or just a dodge?
When I first heard the news that the English government was going to send Al Gore's wonderful documentary "An Inconvenient Truth" to every secondary school in their country, I (literally!) jumped for joy. But, then I dug a little deeper...
Sure, English Environment Secretary David Miliband sounds like wants to do something:
"The debate over the science of climate change is well and truly over, as demonstrated by the publication of today's report by the [Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change]... Our energies should now be channeled into how we respond in an innovative and positive way in moving to a low-carbon future."
But, reading between the lines of these articles I realized that they were only sending a "global warming information pack" to those schools. They were not requiring every student to watch the film.
A true effort to educate youth on the effects of the coming global superstorm will involve making Vice President Al Gore's movie part of the curriculum. It will require the state mandating extensive testing to make sure that students have watched and understood the entire film. It is only through such means that full enlightenment to the causes of global warming can be assured.
