Poll: 11% of tea partiers do their own dental work

The results of a new, exclusive HAB poll have been released including a shocking statistic: 11% of tea partiers do their own dental work. For an unknown reason, dentists - along with lawyers, public administrators, and psychologists - are among the tea partiers' least popular professions. And, the teapartiers have put their money - and their home-made dental tools - where their mouths are.

Follow-up interviews with tea party members have revealed a wide variety of reasons, but some observers have also pointed to the fact that Koch Industries - a major benefactor of groups that promote the tea parties - is heavily invested in "dental tourism" and a chain of DIY clinics in the Cayman Islands and other offshore havens. Those observers also note that tea party leader Dick Armey is a lobbyist for the mercury and asbestos industries in addition to endorsing a low-cost DIY dental kit. The poll results also follow a week-long Glenn Beck series focusing on the medical and dental professions and tying them into the greater Progressive movement.

Some of the reasons given by tea party members in follow-up interviews include:

* "I'll be DAMNED if any of those dentists are going to get a dime of my money! The ADA is a SOCIALIST SUBVERSIVE organization founded with the assistance of MARGARET Sanger and funded by Teddy ROOSEVELT and other PROGRESSIVES, also known as COMMUNISTS!"

* "I'm sick and tired of these whining, TREEHUGGING hippie commmunists with THEIR nanny STATE rules about mercury AND asbestos! Go back TO Russia!"

* "Obama is a COMMUNIST, and I THINK you're a Communist TOO!"

* "I'm a very satisfied customer of the Dick Armey-approved DIY Dental Kit and I've already performed two root canals on my molars! Now, that's freedom! Don't listen to the Enemies of Liberty, taste the sweet sweet tea of Freedom!"

When contacted for comment, a tea party leader simply shouted "Communist!" into the phone several times and then hung up.