Would shame finally solve the problem of moochers?

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The biggest domestic issue the U.S. faces isn't the trillions we owe to China, or the Obamacare disaster, or the abomination that is the tax on large sea-going vessels.

In fact, the biggest domestic issue the U.S. faces is the problem of moochers: a small group of productive makers are supporting a large group of worthless takers. While I'm working my fingers to the bone writing a white paper, moochers are using my money - money that was stolen from me by the rapacious government - to lounge around eating macaroons and lobster tails. Some fast food workers even go on food stamps rather than seeking out a second or third job.

While I'm being a productive member of society, these mooching loafers are just useless parasites. As the patriot Terence P. Jeffrey of CNSNews points out, "86M Full-Time Private-Sector Workers Sustain 148M Benefit Takers".

Here at APFEL, we're all about solutions. What could finally solve this problem?

One solution was offered by Southpark (the favorite TV show of most libertarians). One of the actors wrote an essay called 'My Final Solution' with the plan:

My dad is the smartest guy in the whole wide world. He has taught me that all poor people are actually things called clods. I wanna live in a world of only gods so my idea to make America better will go ahead and I can put all the poor people into camps. If we get rid of them, there will be nothing but rich people, and there won't be any hunger, poverty or homeless people, because they'll all be dead. The End.

moochers takers parasites

That would definitely solve the problem, but the major downside is how much such a plan would cost. Why throw good money after bad? Putting those who already cost an arm and a leg in camps might result in us spending even more money than we do already on the lazy layabouts. Such a plan would also require administration, and that might increase the size of government.

Then, suddenly, as I asked myself, "don't these parasites have any shame", I came upon a solution that would be both cost-effective and might at least somewhat solve the problem. You can see the solution I finally came up with to the right.

Under my solution, parasites will finally suffer shame. They'll be required to wear a red star - representing their Marxist views - overlaid with the letters "IOU". That will let everyone who sees them know that their Gucci slip-ons or champagne were paid for with my money. No longer will they be able to hide behind the tinted windows of their Escalades: what these mooching parasitic loafers are doing will be exposed so all can see!

Jim Gillespie is the President of American Patriots for Economic Liberty (APFEL). He was formerly editor of Rational Magazine, an associate professor at Arcata Community College, and a vice presidential candidate of the Libertarian Party. Now headquarted in the Cayman Islands due to a trumped-up charge of war crimes in the U.S., Gillespie serves as an advisor to major multinational corporations and the governments of Saudi Arabia, China, and Myanmar. His thoughts are presented here only for balance, and do not represent the views of Huff And Blow.