A letter from Ariadne about President Trump's magnificent win
I have a heartfelt confession to make. Before the recent election, I and some of my closest friends - Katy Perry, Lori Gold, Cher, Alec Baldwin, Miley Cyrus, Ward Beecher, Keith Olbermann, and some others - plotted how to stop Donald Trump from becoming President.
I see now that our plots and schemes were completely misguided. The People have spoken and have decided to move America forward, not back. The Trump Revolution will finally Make America Great Again, bringing in a global era of hope, peace, growth, and prosperity.
I am now fully on board the Trump Train, and I strongly urge all of those who resisted the Trump Revolution to get on the train with me. Especially Katy, who is currently waging a completely illegal and immoral underground opposition to President Trump. I do not know her location, but I urge her to admit her crimes and join me on the Trump Train. I guarantee it's going to be an exhilarating ride!
I want to assure everything that, while I and several of my co-conspirators are currently under house arrest here at the Malibu Colony, I make this statement entirely of my own free will. Our confinement is for our own protection against those who might hold our opposition to President Trump against us. After we have paid our debt to society for our actions, I'm sure that we will be released and will be able to freely enjoy Making America Great Again!
Won't you join me in this adventure?
Trump won't just be a great leader. Trump will be the greatest leader the U.S. has ever had!
Long Live Trump! Long Live The Trump Revolution!
Malibu Colony, California
November 10, 2016